Krumbie's Moving and Demolition inc.
Burdened by your worldly possessions? Tired of hauling around worthless piles of sentimental junk but can't quite bring yourself to lighting a bonfire? We understand. Here at Krumbie's, we specialize in helping you cut the cord. Our "moving" fees are cheapest on the market*, and we guarantee you won't find any others who do as thorough of a job.
Whether you prefer your boxes damaged and ripped,
squashed and mangled, battered and bashed,** stepped on, dragged through mud, or disassembled and left un-boxed***, we can do it all.
Tired of well wishing neighbors who always want to talk? Feel encumbered by social obligations from having good relationships with the houses next door? We can help you! We here at Krumbie's understand that first impressions matter most, and that's why we promise to "deliver" your shipment with the largest street-legal semi possible. When your neighbors find that you've blocked the road, stopped traffic and, if possible, blocked one or two**** of their driveways for as long as we can get away with it before the cops come, we can guarantee you won't feel obligated to interact with them for years.
This month we are running a blue-smoke promotional. We've modified the back-tires of all our moving vans to "accidentally" catch on fire and torch your goods. State laws require we put the fire out as fast as possible, but you can sleep soundly knowing that if your shipment doesn't perish in the fire it will at very least be permanently smoke damaged.
[Soot damaged products. Actual damage may vary.]
So hurry up and place your order now, while spare tires and fire-extinguishers last!
*Unapplicable to customers who wish to replace damaged goods.
** What our customers are saying: "I was worried my stainless steel tool-chest would be safe, but Krumbie's pulled through again, and when I got it in PCB, it was as smashed and worthless as the rest of the shipment." - Timothy Marston, Panama City Beach, FL
*** What our customers are saying: "I was concerned about my furniture, instruments, and sentimental overstuffed chairs, but those pads, blankets and boxes they used when picking everything up were just for show. Mine were disassembled, un-protected, and a few even had footprints on them when delivered. That'll teach me to doubt Krumbie's again."
**** Only available in triple-trailer legal states
Whether you prefer your boxes damaged and ripped,
squashed and mangled, battered and bashed,** stepped on, dragged through mud, or disassembled and left un-boxed***, we can do it all.Tired of well wishing neighbors who always want to talk? Feel encumbered by social obligations from having good relationships with the houses next door? We can help you! We here at Krumbie's understand that first impressions matter most, and that's why we promise to "deliver" your shipment with the largest street-legal semi possible. When your neighbors find that you've blocked the road, stopped traffic and, if possible, blocked one or two**** of their driveways for as long as we can get away with it before the cops come, we can guarantee you won't feel obligated to interact with them for years.
This month we are running a blue-smoke promotional. We've modified the back-tires of all our moving vans to "accidentally" catch on fire and torch your goods. State laws require we put the fire out as fast as possible, but you can sleep soundly knowing that if your shipment doesn't perish in the fire it will at very least be permanently smoke damaged.
[Soot damaged products. Actual damage may vary.]*Unapplicable to customers who wish to replace damaged goods.
** What our customers are saying: "I was worried my stainless steel tool-chest would be safe, but Krumbie's pulled through again, and when I got it in PCB, it was as smashed and worthless as the rest of the shipment." - Timothy Marston, Panama City Beach, FL
*** What our customers are saying: "I was concerned about my furniture, instruments, and sentimental overstuffed chairs, but those pads, blankets and boxes they used when picking everything up were just for show. Mine were disassembled, un-protected, and a few even had footprints on them when delivered. That'll teach me to doubt Krumbie's again."
**** Only available in triple-trailer legal states
posted by tmm at
5:07 PM
3 Comments:
Wow, you've picked up a dry sense of humor as of late :) Couldn't stop laughing. Thanks for keeping us updated on your...err... moving progress :o/
20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and Krumbie's do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Yes, well, things like this do tend to detach you from worldly goods or else you COULD become bitter...at least you have someone outside of the family to blame. I have to admit that Krumbie's is outstanding at what they do best, perhaps with an emphasis on demolition over moving.
I laughed my way through your blog--you are really very clever, but on a more serious note, will they actually pay back damages or have you simply lost it all? It doesn't look like you have much to move into your new place. Which reminds me, could you post photos of your new place? For women, this is very important: we all want to visualize where you live! Daddy and I will pray for you as we walk into the library this morning! Much love, Mom
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